Calm down. its only ones and zeros.

In three words I can sum up everything Ive learned about life: it goes on.

Macho Law forbids me from admitting Im wrong.

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because its much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who do not posess it.

These are Korean children. Flash animation is like the fifth food group over here.

Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation, we'd all run around in a dark room munching pills and listening to repetitive music

My uncle claimed to be a world war two recreationist. He wasnt. He ran a hardware store. But he didnt let that stop him from trying to invade France.

Tell a man there are 300 Billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.

This guy's just moved in next door. I believe he is an alien, and arrived on earth fully formed about a week ago. He insists this is untrue, and that he developed from a single cell into his present state. I found this a little hard to swallow, so I asked him to prove it. He showed me a biology textbook, and also half a dozen pictures showing a person not dissimilar to himself in various stages of development. I asked him if he could supply transitionals to fill in the gaps. He found a couple more pictures. I asked him if he could supply transitionals to fill in the gaps. He couldn't. I have examined him minutely over the past week, and can find no evidence that he is changing NOW. He was completely unable to demonstrate to my satisfaction any evidence to support his proposition. So I shot him.

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty

Any time anyone says human beings are inherently superior to animals, I say, "Yeah? Well go try to sell a monkey a long distance service and see if he goes for it!" Even apes aren't fooled by the bells and whistles; show a gorilla a hip, alternative banana along with a plain one, and he'll still punch you in the nuts and take 'em both

Their pamphlets might as well have said, "Please grab a shovel to help us dig several non-ass-compatible devices out of our asses," because no one read them.

language isn't my, um.. uh, thing that i do good

When you say "random" what you really mean is, "I don't get it."

After 16 years, MTV has finally completed its deevolution into the shiny things network

Somewhere people are plotting against you and I am probably among them.

I don't want to just rain on your parade, I want to blow up the floats.

I know what is best for everyone

It's not a crack house, it's a crack home

I'm like a chocoholic, but for booze

Duct tape is like the force: There's a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

The only way you can control people is to lie to them.

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

I like you, but I wouldn't like to see you working with sub-atomic particles.

/* Trust me...I know what I'm doing */

/* The following code demonstrates a complete and utter lack of professionalism. */

I have found that the majority of the pain in my life is caused by only two things - women and arithmetic errors.

For the slow: I'm saying that you're stupid and wouldn't come up with this idea on your own; pay attention.

Competent? How are we going to compete with that?

You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!

I don't need a girlfriend, I have the CS department. It's like the crazy bitch all my friends are dating: demanding, time consuming and evil.

What was it Nietzsche said about a man being on a rope stretched over an Abyss?....well it's worse than he thought; there is no rope

You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there?

By the way, I know I'm stereotyping here. Please don't get offended; no one will care.

The thing that pisses me off more than anything else about life is the 30 second law. It takes so much time and hard work to get anything worthwhile, and all it takes is 30 seconds or less to set you so far back it seems you'll never catch up, or ruin your whole life completely.

People who are willing to rely on the government to keep them safe are pretty much standing on Darwin's mat, pounding on the door, screaming, "Take me, take me!"

"isn't that facism?"

"no, because we don't call it facism"

That whole "finish your drink when the movie completely ignores the laws of physics thing" is a terrible rule.

Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it

A *person* is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it.

/* You are not expected to understand this. You ARE expected to fear this. */

A Great law protects me from the government. The Bill of Rights has 10 GREAT laws. A Good law protects me from you. Laws against murder, theft, assault and the like are good laws. A Poor law attempts to protect me from myself.

What is a Salmon Day? a day when you spend all your time swimming upstream, only to get screwed.

Liberal democracy teaches that cultural tolerance is essential, but you don't have to get far from liberal democracy for liberal democrats to become very intolerant.

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

Well think about it. If I actually followed the plan, I'd have little chance to half ass things later on. Improvisation is key.

You may not be able to fool all the people all the time.

But, you can fool too many of the people too much of the time.

A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him.

Before you judge the younger generation remember who raised them.

You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

There is really no thing as an SUV, it is a term that has been invented recently. There are only trucks, cars and vans. Your vehicle is not a truck because it does not have a bed to store stuff in, and it is not a car because it is way too big. Therefore you are driving a van. It is not a full size van though, because it can't sit eight or nine, so you are driving a mini-van

Corruption + Innocence = Corruption

Innocence is like the zero matrix!

Real world programming borders on the criminal, which is outside your thought domain

We're putting a stake in the ground and hoping the enemy runs into it and now we're arguing about whether it should be one mile tall or two miles tall. It doesn't matter. The enemy will walk around it

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda cool...

You have no responibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It's their mistake, not my failing

A panhandler is far more moral than corporate welfare queens....The panhandler doesn't enlist anyone to force you to give him money. He's coming up to you and saying, 'Will you help me out?' The farmers, when they want subsidies, they're not asking for a voluntary transaction. They go to a congressman and say, 'Could you take his money and give it to us?' That's immoral.

The secret to immortality is to live a life worth remembering.

Naturally, the manual turned out to have been translated from Japanese into English by a Kalahari bushman whose closest contact with either language had been a chance encounter with a German explorer trying to ascertain the going barter rate for a second-hand camel in terms of petroleum and shiny beads. I tried a number of the proposed solutions 'In the eventuals of notworkingness', but having attempted to 'glide the initiation of the Captain illuminator' (fig.8.a) and 'rotate the combustion circle device (also fig.8.a) with repeated vigour until click-clickety sound produces whoosh of small explosion thump' (also, bizarrely, fig.8.a), I gave up, and tried to feed the manual to my recycling unit. The recycling unit wasn't working either

I like the libertarian view, which is to leave everyone alone. Even as a kid, I was annoyed by people who wanted to tell everyone how to live.

The fantasy element that explains the appeal of dungeon-clearing games to many programmers is neither the fire-breathing monsters nor the milky-skinned, semi-clad sirens; it is the experience of carrying out a task from start to finish without user requirements changing.

The worst form of inequality is to make unequal things equal

You know, they say people get the government they deserve, but I don't recall knife-raping any retarded nuns

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.

What's up with all this 'Liquor before beer...' crap? All you need to know is, 'Booze before booze, you never lose.'

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

This year will go down in history. For the first time, a civilized nation has full gun registration! Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient, and the world will follow our lead into the future!

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Women are like parking spaces... all the good ones are taken and all that's left are the handicapped.

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.

Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought

I only want two things in life: Everything. Now.

I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

Let me get this straight. You're typing on a keyboard made from oil and refined metals, watching the letters come up on a light-emitting screen, in order to use a few grams of silicon etched finer than the eye can see with hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of tiny quantum-mechanical devices, in order to send a message that will travel via optical cables (and possibly satellite links), to be read by thousands of people across the whole world, all of whom could reply within a few hours, and you are actually saying, I mean really actually truly making the claim, that *science has no special relation to observed reality*?!?

I give up.

I'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet

On a side note, I think this is the first time anyone has ever used the word misinformation when talking about something we posted here. I find it very exciting to think that I am spreading misinformation. I may move up to half-truths next and then eventually onto wild speculation.

It's not that Perl programmers are idiots, it's that the language rewards idiotic behavior in a way that no other language or tool has ever done.

I am sick of hippies trying to tell me that someone's Opinion can't be wrong because it's thier OPINION. That's bullshit, plenty of Opinions are wrong. Hey, it's my OPINION that dogs have eight legs and make a sound like a car horn every time they take a piss. If I told you that, would you say, "Okay Gabe I respect your opinion, maybe they do have eight legs." or would you call me an idiot? Yeah, that's what I thought.

No, I don't know that Atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God.

I "find time to write" the way alcoholics find time to drink, and I suspect that most game writers are the same way. If no one was paying us to do it, we'd do it anyway.

The big problem is that something like 90% of a luser is water, which has to be driven off as steam before you can realise their thermal equivalent.

This typically comes as a surprise to nurderers, who pour a gallon or so of gasoline over a body, set light to it, and are surprised to find the corpse only slightly scorched as a result.

It typically takes 25-30 gallons of petrol/diesel to fully-consume an average-sized body under ideal conditions. That I am conversant with this level of detail should serve as an indication of why the wise man does not ask me questions about MS-Windows.

People who cry about stereotypes are usually upset because they fall into them. We don't have time to get to know every single person we see. We have to stereotype people in certain ways to know which one of them wants to kill us for our wallet, which ones can't drive, and which ones enjoy the taste of falafel. If we didn't have stereotypes, we'd be doing stupid shit like walking up to bikers and asking who won today's tennis match

Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs

I'm like a superhero, with no powers or motivation.

Open-minded people must accept the possibility that being closed-minded is better. Close-minded people can take comfort in knowing that they are right.

"Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to greater danger. It works the same in any country."

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.